Guest blog: Vertical and horizontal revisited

Here's another take on the difference between the male and female perspective--this time from the younger set. Deb can be found at dweeb@stetser.net

I'd be hard pressed to find anyone over the age of 40 who doesn't know who Felix Ungar and Oscar Madison are. The Odd Couple was a 60's Broadway play about two divorced men living as roommates, complete opposites in most ways, most notably their lifestyles. Tony Randall and Jack Klugman did a superb job of bringing life to these two characters in the 70s sitcom of the same name. I was going to entitle this "Men Are From Mars" but I think Felix and Oscar can do more justice to the story.

This morning while getting ready to show our condo to another potential buyer, I reached under the sink to pull out the "good" towels. We aren't allowed to use them; they serve ONE purpose only, to make our bathrooms look like everything in them actually coordinates. As I extricated the towels from the crowded cabinet, I knocked over my husband Dan's bottle of Listerine. The cap had not been screwed on and the contents gushed onto the carpet, soaking right in. I let out a string of expletives, sighed and grabbed a towel to blot up the mess. No time to pull out the carpet cleaner to suck up the liquid, so I tossed a small hand towel which could also pass as a throw rug over the spot and hoped no one would step on it.

As I finished tidying up, one of my favorites shows, The Odd Couple came to mind and I realized how very similar Dan and I are to those two guys. I recalled our 13 years together and my struggle to reach some sort of a compromise on upkeeping our home. Once long ago when I proclaimed Dan a huge slob, he accused me of being compulsive about germs because I worked in an operating room. Admittedly, he's come a long way from the days when I caught him dropping food on the kitchen floor and leaving it and the time I saw him toss a handful of potato peels over his shoulder (without looking), aiming in the general direction of the trash can behind him. NOW I understood why the side of the refrigerator was always dotted with specks of food - Dan used it to bank scraps into the trash.

Listerine aside, his transgressions are now less severe. Either that, or I'm so immune to 'em I barely notice. I still find his habit of leaving the kitchen cupboards open annoying, or the way he leaves lights on after he's left the room, but he has stepped up in helping maintain the illusion that our home always looks like it does when we have a showing. Just this morning, he cleaned the majority of the mess up before he left for work and there wasn't much left for me to do...except deal with the catbox. And mouthwash.

My girlfriend Annette and I lament over the way WE view "clean and neat" and our husbands do. We've both noticed the maddening habit of Scott and Dan's kitchen clean up routines. Wash all the dishes and leave grease on the stove, food and crumbs on the counter then act bewildered when we point out the kitchen is not clean.Annette recounted a funny exchange she had with Scott over chores. She complained "you don't do anything". He countered "I do things" and she countered with "Well, you don't do ENOUGH!"

Are Dan, Scott, Annette and I typical in our experiences? Are men just a different breed? I remember my grandfather being in charge of the housework. Every weekend he would vacuum, dust, polish and clean while my grandmother did whatever it was she did. He also was responsible for cooking most of their meals. My Dad liked to cook also, but that happened after he retired. He never was interested in housecleaning, but he was pretty neat in his own right.Dan's brother (a former slob) has some issues with neatness and the like. I was horrified when we visited his new home one day to find he had bought his wife a carpet rake, which she gleefully demonstrated while proclaiming how much she loved raking the carpet. ??? !!! Yikes, can you say Stepford Wife?

If I could, would I change Dan into a neatnik? Would I want him buying me gifts like a rug rake? HELL NO! One might find it hard to believe there is an up side to living with someone who has more on his agenda than a spotless house. If I don't feel like cleaning, straightening or otherwise attending to the house, it's not a big deal to Dan. He's never once complained about my messes (and believe me, I can make messes with the best of 'em). If I don't want to clean, wash dishes, or do laundry, Dan couldn't care less.There's something to be said for living with Oscar. You'll have to ask Dan what it's like to have Felix for a roommate.