Hanging on for the End

During my working years, a lot of people seemed to living for the day they could retire. You’d hear things like “Three more years to go,” or “Soon they can have this place and they can . . . ." The end of the rainbow was always doing things there hadn’t been time for while raising kids and paying down the mortgage. Just out of curiosity, I did an unscientific canvass of retirees to see what they had thought they would do in retirement and what actually happened.

1. The Dream of Travel
I heard this everywhere. Seeing the Canadian Rockies or Maritimes, taking a cruise, or becoming a snowbird. Must be part of the myth of the American road. Many sold the house, got a large RV, and hit the highways. But somehow the world had changed by the time they did it. Air travel became a hassle. Gas station owners hung out the welcome flags when the large RVs showed up and retirees got on a first name basis with the truckers because they all used the same truck stops. Many of the RV folk ended up staying in one place, adjusting to life in a 40 foot with slideouts while looking for a house. Verdict: tends to get old, sooner for some people.

2. The Dream of Activities
Some people had wanted to sell their house and move into a small condo next to a golf course or tennis courts. Others thought they would spend their retirement years taking cruises. They had the kids come over to pick out what they wanted from the to-be-downsized house and then help out with a series of garage sales and donations to charity. It sounded romantic—all those views out over the immaculate greens—until the first golf ball came through their window and until all those planned activities finally became more of a chore or a literal pain than a pleasure. Verdict: OK as long as your health and money hold out.

3. The Dream of Volunteering
Some people wanted to use their new leisure to help others and make a difference. This sounded noble and compelling. Even I fell prey to this one. I volunteered and soon found that it takes skill to value volunteers. I couldn’t tell the difference between working for pay for an overbearing boss and working without pay for an overbearing boss. The skill to supervise volunteers turned out to be rare. One supervisor told me that I should be grateful to be volunteering. It was to be done for its own sake and volunteers should not expect to be appreciated. Amazing. Verdict: not all volunteering is equally satisfying.

4. The Dream of Getting a Part-time Job
I heard this one quite often from the men who had passions like woodworking. They dreamed of working a few hours a week, making a few dollars, and doing something they loved. Some of them did. The local railroad shop is full of older guys holding forth on the subject of engines and layouts. They are also greeters at Walmart. But it’s been tough for others when the HR department make assumptions about older people and think they need to keep a defibrillator on hand for emergencies. Verdict: check out the people already hired. Everyone has to say they support equal opportunity.

5. The Dream of More Time for the Family
This dream took several interesting turns. Some retirees felt very useful providing free childcare. Most thought that their children would be in touch and the family would become closer. Maybe some did. I didn’t find many. Instead the children still had their own lives and retired parents became another responsibility. I heard over and over that some adult child never calls or takes forever to return a call. There are a whole series of jokes about just that situation. Verdict: don’t bank on the kids being happy to entertain you. If you want a friend, get a dog.

Undoubtedly there are many who enjoy some or all of these ways to spend their retirement. But for many others, they are illusions fostered by people who are still in the workplace and only dreaming of this magical thing called retirement.

So what is the reality? The biggest challenges of retirement—given that health is not an issue—are finding something worthwhile to do and avoiding loneliness. This is why retirees at some point consider senior communities so they can be with others. This is fine as long as people are willing to completely change their lives about and make completely new friendships. That’s a big overhaul.

If I could go back to those twenty-year-olds already planning their retirement, I would say this. Retirement will work if you keep your friendships. Old friends are best. Travel is fine, but not if it takes you away from the people you know. Activities are fine as long as you have someone to share them with. Volunteering is fine as long as you are part of a group of like-minded people. Working is fine as long as you are valued and wanted. But ultimately realize that you are on your own even if the world is as open to you and your choices as it has ever been.